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Out of control

Question:

Mark, Many times it’s not about being optimistic and thinking positive – it’s about PRETENDING to do so. Because other people run from those who are the most needy (sadly), we must pretend to be up and chipper. Also, please try another counsellor. If yours is not helping you enough, perhaps trying one or two others will help bring you some peace. Life is not fair, and it is hard to learn to deal with it. I wish you luck. Shirley – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Mark Gibson wrote: > I cannot manage the emotions related to my glaucoma. Other people seem to > be able to. I’ve received lots of lectures telling me to quit complaining. > But the problem is really that I feel totally out of control of my life > and totally out of control of my emotions related to the disease and my > current condition. > I’m 37 now, single, unemployed (lost job because of deteriorating > eyesight and concomitant depression). After years of calmly assuring me my > glaucoma was stable and my pressures were great my opthalmologist suddenly > changed his tune, told me I am now banned from driving a motor vehicle and > must accept the fact that I am now visually disabled. Although my doctor > is considered competent in his profession, he has a completely detached, > emotionless manner  that makes it impossible to raise these kind of issues > with him.I am seeing a counsellor but I don’t feel it does much good. > My vision is not terribly bad yet – with maximum possible correction for > glasses my acuity is 20/60 left eye, 20/80 right eye. But I no longer > really have any confidence that it won’t get any worse. In the province I > live in (B.C., Canada) to have a drivers license one must have corrected > visual acuity of 20/40 or better in at least one eye. To be classified as > legally blind ( and thus be eligible for public assistance ) one must have > corrected visual acuity of 20/200 or worse in both eyes. > There are times I think of discontinuing my eye drops and just letting it > deteriorate. Unemployed as I am I feel hopeless of ever getting another > job. The unemployment rate in this province is around 9.5% and I can’t > imagine how I will ever be at the top of anybody’s list with bad eyes when > every job opening attracts hundreds of fully able bodied applicant for the > employer to pick from. Around here, if you see a job advertised in the > paper and you show up to apply it looks like they are selling tickets to a > rock concert. Sometimes the lineup goes around the block, all people > applying for one opening, even for menial jobs. > I guess some readers by now will think this sounds like whining. Well I > guess that is precisely the real point I am making. I just can’t seem to > deal with the emotions this situation has caused  in me. I feel > emotionally out of control. I’m sick of idiot suggestions (If I had a > nickel for every time some moron saw me holding something close to my eyes > to read it and said "Better get new glasses" I’d now be a millionaire.) > When somebody makes these kinds of idiot suggestions (my doctor has told > me and even put it in writing at my request that eyeglasses cannot correct > my vision to anything better than at best 20/60 left and 20/80 right.) I > erupt in a rage and want to hit the person who makes them (thoughh so far > I haven’t done it ). Even though I got my eye doctor to put my diagnosis > in writing, over his signature several people have accused me of faking my > condition in the hope of getting sympathy or whatever. When people make > remarks like this I find myself breaking down in tears. In short my > emotions seem to have taken total control and I can’t stop them. My > counsellor has made lots of suggestions but their effectiveness in > reducing these outbreaks is limited. > Right now I feel very, very hopeless about the future and I don’t know why > I am being so dominated by these emotions when most people on this group > always seem so chipper and optimistic. Maybe part of it is that usually > glaucoma strikes in middle or old age so that a lot of people who have > lost vision to it have savings or pensions to live on and don’t have > anxieties about earning a living and supporting themselves. (I had a > disability insurance but the insurance company refused to pay under a > "pre-existing conditions" clause because my glaucoma had been diagnosed > before I bought the insurance policy.) > So it looks like this message has turned into a long rant. I’m sorry if > this bugs anyone. Does anybody else feel like this? Telling be to "think > positive" etc. doesn’t help–I’ve already heard it enough times to get > nauseous–I’ve gotten sensitoive enough to it that I’ve developed a sixth > sense for when someone’s going to start sermonizing me about the Power of > Postive Thinking and how Tough Times Don’t Last but Tough People Do, > etc.,etc.,etc. even before they start. So I guess the kind of reply I am > hoping for is useful, realistic, practical suggestions for surviving these > terrible mood swings and depressions from someone who has actually > experienced it themselves and lived through similar life circumstances. > Right now I don’t know at all what to do. > Mark

Response:

I cannot manage the emotions related to my glaucoma. Other people seem to be able to. I’ve received lots of lectures telling me to quit complaining. But the problem is really that I feel totally out of control of my life and totally out of control of my emotions related to the disease and my current condition. I’m 37 now, single, unemployed (lost job because of deteriorating eyesight and concomitant depression). After years of calmly assuring me my glaucoma was stable and my pressures were great my opthalmologist suddenly changed his tune, told me I am now banned from driving a motor vehicle and must accept the fact that I am now visually disabled. Although my doctor is considered competent in his profession, he has a completely detached, emotionless manner  that makes it impossible to raise these kind of issues with him.I am seeing a counsellor but I don’t feel it does much good. My vision is not terribly bad yet – with maximum possible correction for glasses my acuity is 20/60 left eye, 20/80 right eye. But I no longer really have any confidence that it won’t get any worse. In the province I live in (B.C., Canada) to have a drivers license one must have corrected visual acuity of 20/40 or better in at least one eye. To be classified as legally blind ( and thus be eligible for public assistance ) one must have corrected visual acuity of 20/200 or worse in both eyes. There are times I think of discontinuing my eye drops and just letting it deteriorate. Unemployed as I am I feel hopeless of ever getting another job. The unemployment rate in this province is around 9.5% and I can’t imagine how I will ever be at the top of anybody’s list with bad eyes when every job opening attracts hundreds of fully able bodied applicant for the employer to pick from. Around here, if you see a job advertised in the paper and you show up to apply it looks like they are selling tickets to a rock concert. Sometimes the lineup goes around the block, all people applying for one opening, even for menial jobs. I guess some readers by now will think this sounds like whining. Well I guess that is precisely the real point I am making. I just can’t seem to deal with the emotions this situation has caused  in me. I feel emotionally out of control. I’m sick of idiot suggestions (If I had a nickel for every time some moron saw me holding something close to my eyes to read it and said "Better get new glasses" I’d now be a millionaire.) When somebody makes these kinds of idiot suggestions (my doctor has told me and even put it in writing at my request that eyeglasses cannot correct my vision to anything better than at best 20/60 left and 20/80 right.) I erupt in a rage and want to hit the person who makes them (thoughh so far I haven’t done it ). Even though I got my eye doctor to put my diagnosis in writing, over his signature several people have accused me of faking my condition in the hope of getting sympathy or whatever. When people make remarks like this I find myself breaking down in tears. In short my emotions seem to have taken total control and I can’t stop them. My counsellor has made lots of suggestions but their effectiveness in reducing these outbreaks is limited. Right now I feel very, very hopeless about the future and I don’t know why I am being so dominated by these emotions when most people on this group always seem so chipper and optimistic. Maybe part of it is that usually glaucoma strikes in middle or old age so that a lot of people who have lost vision to it have savings or pensions to live on and don’t have anxieties about earning a living and supporting themselves. (I had a disability insurance but the insurance company refused to pay under a "pre-existing conditions" clause because my glaucoma had been diagnosed before I bought the insurance policy.) So it looks like this message has turned into a long rant. I’m sorry if this bugs anyone. Does anybody else feel like this? Telling be to "think positive" etc. doesn’t help–I’ve already heard it enough times to get nauseous–I’ve gotten sensitoive enough to it that I’ve developed a sixth sense for when someone’s going to start sermonizing me about the Power of Postive Thinking and how Tough Times Don’t Last but Tough People Do, etc.,etc.,etc. even before they start. So I guess the kind of reply I am hoping for is useful, realistic, practical suggestions for surviving these terrible mood swings and depressions from someone who has actually experienced it themselves and lived through similar life circumstances. Right now I don’t know at all what to do. Mark

Response:

Mark, My message isn’t going to make you very happy,  but I think my information should be posted in this newsgroup.  I would be very despondent and depressed if I lost my vision,  but I want to tell you about my best friend in college who had been totally blind since he was 11 years old.  When I met him he had a Seeing Eye dog and was in his third year at Dartmouth College.  When he graduated he won the math prize.  He got a job with IBM,  and after working for them for a long time he started his own company. From knowing my friend I can tell you that being blind is no picnic, but he had a lot of fun in life.  He was very musical which helped.  He was a disk jockey on the college radio station.   I got him a date with the twin of the girl I was dating.  On their first date when he was in the back seat of my car he told the girl that he wanted to know what she looked like,  so he started feeling her with his hands.  He started on her head,  but he went lower and lower.    I thought:  being blind has its compensations.  They were married about a year later.  Her parents were both doctors and they objected strongly to her marrying a blind person.   But they stayed happily married until she finally died.  They had 5 kids and a long and happy married life.  He died about a year after she died. The point is,  that problems with vision are serious.  Trying to go through life when your vision is badly impaired is no fun,  but it can be done; and you can have fun and be successful despite the vision problems.  My friend had learned how to use people.  For instance,  I would walk him to his next class after he had finished at the radio station because it was easier for him to hold on to my arm than it was to use the Seeing Eye dog.  He had to cultivate friends to do for him the things he couldn’t do for himself. I don’t expect my message to cheer anybody up.  I think the older you are when you lose your sight, the tougher it is,  but it is absolutely amazing how well blind people do in life. Ben

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